Tuesday, November 21, 2017


You missed the person because of all the good times you had together.

Those days when he makes you laugh like crazy. When the only painful you feel is from laughing too much. When you look at him and he already looking at you with a smile. When you couldn't separate from each other because all you want is hugging all the times. When you fell asleep hugging each other and still awake the same way. When you are awake at dawn and he hug you even tighter.

You missed all the good things and blinded by it.

You forgot all the times you had been waiting for him all day. Those times when he never asks about your well being. When you are sick and he is somewhere having fun with his friends. When you needed him but he is never free and comfort you with the word "there is always next time"  -And you thought that is an altimatum you own.

You are busy sugar coating all the bad things with the good. With an innocent hope, thinking that this is just a relationship test. You thought as time pass by he will change his minds and has the same way of thinking as you. Ignorant.

You settled for him. You give in. You do everything according to his wants. You are always available for him. You are too kind. You are too fragile. You never appreciate yourself because all you did is appreciating him.

His presence is what makes you happy. His little gestures is what makes you melt.
You missed his face when he smiles at you, when he laughs with you.
You missed the way he looks at you.
You missed the familiarity of him being around you.

But what about all the times
When he ignores you while needed him?
When you miss him and he said "Don't be clingy"
When you send a long lovely message and he replied with one word.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Time is here.

We need to leave.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Heart talk at dawn

Months had past since the last post.

Which equivalent to the time i gave myself to reflect thing to myself and of course giving the relationship another chance - if love could revive.

Thinking, if all this time, i might be just lost for a little while or so. And in between the months - we celebrated our anniversaries.
I took this chance to reconcile my feelings towards you. I'm happy.

This happiness is purely happiness - no love - love feeling. It makes me guilty.
I've been clocking everything you did for me, all the good times we had - so i can make a chart of how wonderful you are,  how you are the kind of boyfriend that I always dreamt of. But my love isn't as passionate as it used to be. The spark that I've been trying to create again doesn't lights up.

It worries me to stay. Trying and seeing no results. At the same time, not wanting to waste your time with someone who is unsure of her own feelings.

It awful.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Im sorry

I've tried.
I've tried telling myself that we can do this.
I keep giving chances to us.
But love is gone.

Tell me where is love in my life?
I don't love you anymore.
I dont love you like I did yesterday.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Falling out of love

Falling out of love is difficult.
Falling out of love is real.
It happened.

Suddenly everything doesn't makes sense. Nothing will fancy you anymore.
Everything hurts. Nothing seems to feel right anymore.

You don't need him anymore. He is no longer your muse. He's rather annoying than lovely. His presence doesn't excites you anymore.

You wanted to be alone. You wanted to be with yourself more than with him. You just want to be you. You just need yourself.

No, it's not because other person. You simply tired of being attached. You don't want to be attached to anyone. It is about you. Yourself. Being on your own. Just you.

You hope he will understand. He will let you go but it is not easy.

Now you confused if you love him or just familiar with his existance. Is it still love? Or just pity cause you scared to tell him the truth?

Chances after chances. You give yourself time. Time after time. Nothing seems to change.

You had fall out of love.

There isn't love anymore.

Love is gone.

No more love.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

I need alone time.

I think the bad thing about having a boyfriend is you can't do random unplanned things, because then he will accused you of spending time with someone else,when all you want is to be with yourself.

You can't have the bed all to yourself, because he will be lying next to you, holding your hand. While it is good at times, I need some space.

You can't enjoy single life. Not talking about going out with different guys,I seriously pass that phase. At this moment, all I want is me and myself.  Me cherish-ing my own self cause I'm getting older and I realized when I get older, I can't enjoy my 20s. 20s is seriously golden. Now I realized, I stuck with a man who go head to toe on what I'm doing, nagging and jugding on the things I did. It's annoying af. In this age I just wanna love myself. Seriously. This is something I cant get when I'm 30 or married. Just let me be with myself bruhh.

The point here is,  I need myself back. I'm not going to let you take over my life. You've been great. You've all that I wanted after all the heartaches you gave me. All the pain and the cries I had at nights. But I'm just so allergic at nagger, and you are a nagger. How do I live with that for the rest of my life? Tell me.

As much as you want me to be like your mom. Thats how you can never ever be like my father. None of us are how we want it to be. We failed hard.

You told me, I'm not your type. I kept telling myself, I'm not your type. Somehow we cross in the middle, I don't know why. It's ridiculous.

I'm going A. It hurts me very much. I thought I have given my best but it's never enough in fact it's awful.

I used to love you, so much.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

How do you feel .

You asked to go my own. You forced me to have my own path.

You mocked me for depending on you. You mocked me for wanting to be with you.

You said, go out and have my own life. You said, you have a life for you to live.

Your circle will be your circle. My circle would be mine. They won't mix.

After years, I realized, I can live without you. I can live without depending on you.
Depending on you was never a pleasure but rather a huge responsibility you have to endure. I finally realized depending on you is a wrong thing to do.

I was never myself. I was never the person I am. I realized I have been comforting you way too much that I forgot my own happiness, my own wants, the person I am.

Now, when I be myself. You hate me. You can't bear with me. I was wrong the entire time. All this while I let you do the decision. I don't let my idea get in your way. However,when I voice out my wanting now, it seems so wrong to you.

Can I bear this for the rest of my life?
Can you accept the fact that I no longer follow your way cause I have mine too?
Can you accept the fact that I have my own stand now?
Can we go through this?

Monday, April 24, 2017


In all honesty, I truly hate being tickle.

Thursday, April 20, 2017


You were once my muse.
Someone I would love endlessly. Someone that I thought worth the fight. Someone who made me jumped over the puddle.

Only to make me fall down onto the holes.

Years ago. You were once my love.
Once my love song. Once my lullaby to sleep.

Only to make me have a nightmare after you left.

Time passed. Loves gone. You cant expect me still waiting for you after all these years.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Sing a long ~

Just a little sharing on my current jam :)

Thursday, January 19, 2017

It is sad to be you

You maybe got him physically but you never get him emotionally.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Note for the stalkers

To the people who had been reading my blog and stalking my privacy.

Here is a note for you,

One day you going to realize that looking over me is not worth your time.

One day you will realize that your emotions should not control your decisions. How many times you are actually proud of your decisions? Think again.

If you did not overcome your hatred and anger today, it will somehow eat you later.

One thing which is really important is, you cannot force people to love you nor force them to change for you. If they did,know that it is not for love or sincerity. One change for you when they decided to.

You have to realize that the world doesn't evolve around you.

Karma do exist. You are not perfect, what you did to the person you hurt, you will get it back. Like it or not, this is your karma. But that doesn't mean it is the end of the world. Life can be better but it all depends on how you react to it.

You have so many ways of solving the problems in a smart way. Use your sense, be classy, take things professionally.

I'm not perfect either. I've been in a lot of situations that disappoint me. I've been crying for nights over a guy. I've been begging for love,for them to stay. Threats, logics and sympathy. It's never going to last long.

Love is something you can't force. Love supposed to make you happy. Love supposed to make you smile.
If it is not,it is not love but pain.

Realize that love is not about winning the race. It is about building relationships together. Creating and planting loves. If the aims is to get the person then you are sadly not in love with the person.

One mistake in the past and astrological belief won't help to decide your future life.

You can be better. You can have better.
Think wisely.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Last year : 2016

Happy New Year 2017 peeps!

Sorry to waste your time, todays blog post is a recap on my 2016 hehe.

Twenty sixteen has been amazing. I have learnt so much in a year. I met many people through out the year. I changed my jobs four times in a short period. I am happy. I am sad. So many things happened in a year. What may seems long is actually not, three hundred and sixty five days is a blink of an eye. 

Throughout the year, I met beautiful people who inspired my journey. The people that I love in so many ways. The people who is lovely, amazing and incredibly kind. I also met people who were not very nice but still made a way to leave footprints, which teach me that I can't satisfied everybody and like wise not everyone we met were the lovely ones.

I have been in few situations that teach me we can't always have what we wish for. I have been turned down by the world's decision over my hopes, dreams and wishes that I can't reach. Good things may come at the wrong time. Not a very good things may come at the right time. Life is ridiculous that way. It makes me questions a lot of things. Sometimes I don't even understand why things happened the way it was. Confusion. Curiosity.

It was the year I learnt so much how to be a responsible, independent, energetic adult. I came to realize that I'm never an adult like how I Imagined I will be. In fact this is the version of me that just happened to be. Of course, I got to work on being the version that I imagined. But l want to enjoy the young time while it lasts. Now is the oldest that I will be for today. 

Being an adult is about decision making and life up bringing. The decision I make today define my life in the long run. It scary that way. It is also about how I bring my life together. Getting back up after I fall down. Not letting cyclone of life affect so much of my emotions. Problem solving in the best way possible. Life is not perfect. I make mistake, experience the bitterness of it and learnt from it.

People come and go. After so many years past by, I found out, the people that had been with me for so long are the one that still there to accompany me, being my friend in their best attempt and these are they people I want to share my happiness with.

I'm thankful in so many ways. To the joyful moments where I laughed and smiled my heart out. To the griefing moments where cried my lungs out. I'm grateful I learnt how to handle life.

It has been a tough ride. Rough and grumble. To more life possiblities and challenges ahead, I hope I will be able to ride twenty seventeen in a better and wiser journey.

To the people who made my twenty sixteen amazing,
Thank you so much for the wonderful memories. I hope we will never grow apart and even if we do, please continue being great and keep on being lovely so you inspire more soul in the future.

To the wonderful families and lovely ones,
I'm greatly thankful for having a people like all of you in my life, who had been sharing thoughts, knowledge, supports, non stop love and hugs. Thank you for being with through my ups and downs. Seeing me at my worst and stay through it.

To the people I have hurt or have hurt me (intentionally/unintentionally), that I might not realized or realized,
You are the people who have teach me about forgiving, egoistic, humbly and acceptance. That's the reasons you were in my books. Some things were hates in disguise. It might be something valuable to learn.

All in all, it has been a tough one but definitely not dull.

To many more amazing moments, lovely memories, good people, positive vibes, truly wonderful life ahead and blessing journey for now and the future. 🍻

Rina signing off