Friday, December 31, 2010

End of 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011 everyone~

I was planning for my new year eve celebration
about two weeks in advance so that i wouldn't rush at the last hours
and at the same time,i received few more invitation..
however i stick with my plan..BUT guess what happened??
Things doesn't goes well..and that's when i'm saying..
my 2010 is fully suck, now 2011 eve is already suck
so what will happen in 2011 later?????
i wish this post would be a very happy and blissful post..
i was full of thought that this new year eve is something new and fresh
but it's just another lame new year eve...
what should i wish for the coming new year??
Answer : please let me die earlier =...=
**i'm supposed to come out with more brilliant wish
oh my God!!
my 2010, done with two heart break stories
my study makes me much more suck
ppl thought i'm a small is like in a jail
life gets more terrible..
rina + 2010 = fucking shits
2010 isn't my good year..maybe my feng shui just..unlucky!!

so i was hoping 2011 would be damn gooooood than previous year
but the eve doesn't show a gooood appearance
so,is that mean another silly year for me??????? perhaps..
Sigh..if it's really yes..
then i should just happy with my new year wish
and may i've been bless that time..

i'm not in the mood now..
i'm seriously mad and please dont disturb me >.....<
lets pray,i dont kill tonight..i dont feel like talking now..
but i do wish someone,whoever..would call me by midnight..
and hopefully that person would brighten my suck new year eve..
i can't believe i'm crying now..damn!! i never knew i'm this sad..

Goodbye 2010 . . Hello 2011

Dear reader,sorry for all these complaint ;')

Another year come,another life go on
When a new thing comes, an old things gone
Life comes and life go
May everything been blessed now and later.

Happy new Year!!

Failed post!!!

This is going to be long last post of the year 2010 ;)

Time to recall everything in this year
since January until December,ROFL!!

It wasnt my good year,maybe my unlucky year~
Somehow,i still thankful that i still alive
I've hurt more, i learnt more, i cherish more.
I wanted to list everything that i remember in this year
but i dont think i want to make all of it public =...=
privacy purpose,perhaps..
Oh maybe i/you should read 2010 posts again,lmao!

I felt like talking shitss now..
so please bear with this lame post..
I will only use first letter of name OR the word 'someone'
for each person privacy =,= and they included the boys and the girls

Shitss began~~ wtf!!

I talked with someone last night..
It feels like so long didn't talk to each other that long
When we recall everything in the past,it feels weird and funny at the same time
It shows how fast time flies..Now we have our own life
and we shared our new own life..i'm happy it's ended with bless
and hopefully it will stay..

Oh yaa..
Few days before the christmas, this someone texted me
wishing merry christmas and a happy new year
such a relieve to get that text too..
it feels like: hey you still remember me?? OMG!!
i must admit that i'm happy when i saw that name..
couldnt believe my eyes..lmao!!
hope this someone will come back here someday..
it can be say,lost contact if we dont find each other again,lol!!

Want to meet LHS badly >..<
It's been 3 yearsss okay!!! Where this shit had go??
I'm going to knock head and kick ass!!!

and Aiden too
[this stupid no need privacy,hahaaa]
i'm going to find you!!!!!! Who asked you to lost??
Protect you head and ass now before i kick em' =....=

Should i list my new friends i get in 2010?? dont think so!!


because i knew tonight would be another boring new year eve..

I had my bad mood to go..
boredom ate me,and conflict chewed me..

Friday, December 24, 2010

Season Greetings~

Dear all,




today is Christmas eve..
it's the most busy time of all time..
my grandmother might be busy preparing for tomorrow party
while i'm here at home waiting for my aunt who will follow us
i'm not sure when will i coming back..Lmao!!
but i think i'm sure will be back here before the new year countdown..
cant wait to see fellest and ean during the countdown >..<
and hopefully hannsen will be there too and added by christine..
uhh..that will be great..what a wonderful gathering~~
so once again Merry Christmas to those whom celebrate it..
may this bless day would bring lots of happiness and joyful
to those who dont celebrate,lets us celebrate it together and partying..
may all of our wishes come true for the next coming year
and may this Christmas been blessed..

Dear close friendsssss and old and new and awesome friendss...
lets meet this Dec 31 2010 for the new year countdown ;)
God willing.

And to KWL..i miss you endlessly :')

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A sadness i can't hold

What is happening??

YES!! I admit thing for sure..


I've hold this tears and pain inside,i promise not to cry again
But why are you always find a chance to make me cry??
You don't want me to cry and so do i..You think i like to cry??
I've hold this tears for a couple months,and easily you make it flow again
Do you know how hard was it for me to hold it? Even a little of it??
Do you know how i care for you feeling and listen to all your advices??
I ignore myself, my own feeling, my own needs just to make you happy..
Without any questions, without any anger, i listen to your words..
It never become a burden to me, as long as you satisfied and happy
Until now, i kept every each of it.
In you eyes,i might look never listen to you, but did you ever ask me??
Did you ever ask,how i listen to your words?? Why are you see things in the easiest way??
You see the person you love in the brightest way AND see me in the most pathetic way
You are so unfair!!!!! Just once, please open your mind and your eyes..
To compare your feeling for her and me,of course i had ZERO..and she had THOUSAND
But for once and keep it forever in your heart..
This person who had zero of your love, is the most care for you
Even i've already lost, i was still standing here.
Even i've been hurt for millions i never hates
Even i've cry and sick a lots, i still love.
Even if you can't love back or give even a little piece of your love
Can't you just appreciate??
What actually have i done to you until you hurt me like this???
You can still love someone who have dump you BUT hate someone who loves you
I want to hate you, like you wish but i can't do it..
I face the truth sadly, that i have already lost you..I didn't bother you..
I miss you, i wanted to text you everyday, wanted to call you, meet you
I ended up my wish doing nothing. Just in case you need time.
Do you now how hurt was that?? How it makes me so weak??
You'll say,i ever felt the same pain before..PLEASE, don't compare yours and mine..
You mad at me because i be friend with them??
So what if i ask you to stop be friend with that woman you love?????
If you felt fuck up with them, then do you know how fuck up i felt towards her???
You think i don't know her? i knew her!!! AND i felt so idiot..
I don't have any special relationship not even a special feeling for them
If YOU versus THEM, you sure win.
However, ME versus HER??
200% sure,confirm i will lost.. So what else??
It's been a long time, i'm not in touch with them..
I don't know what's going on with them, and you suddenly brought a story..
Yes,i am angry now but still i don't hate you.
You scolded me for no reason!! Please don't repeat the same thing.
If last night was your last message, i'm not sure.
Just remember one thing, you can find me whenever.
I've been sitting here for so long and still waiting.
If one day your heart was asking you to find me, then find me with bless and joy.
Don't hurt and open the scars that you had left.
I'll be somewhere in this world longing for you.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Some say yes some say no

some say yes,some say no..
what's with that??
it comes spontaneously when i open posting tab
but i believe, deep inside me, i knew what was it mean to me

what's today post?? huhh..
my blog isn't entertainment blog..
i wrote what i felt, what's happening
basically, a slightly diary of mine
so don't blame me if the post was
damn toooo cheesy, toooo pathetic, toooo idiotic, tooo physcotic and whatever it is
this is my blog and i responsible on what i say/type
if it's hurtful then i'm sorry, if it's funny then laugh
say whatever,leave your comment at comment box or chat box
whatever your response, i'm okay yoo~~
you want to be invisible reader?? sure you problem!
about my language?? nehh..ignore them!!
i knew some/all are failed but that's just the way it is..
but of course, i'm doing better in my language study ;)

pheww..i'm getting out of topic =....=
this is not the purposes i'm started today's post
but's useful though ^^

last night was not a good night
i've been struggle with a lame thought
which actually a mind game
however,it's strong enough to kill and makes me weak
it had struck my heart deeply, felt been pierced
so i get a rest, and i look up at the skies
what i see is dark skies, i can't differentiate what i saw
i'm not even know if there is stars or not
i lost in my thought, i get in and try to get some sleep
lying for so long and i realized, i have a lots in my mind
which comes first and which was in the last? i have no idea..
that night was so different, i've been there before,
was it really can't go away? or was it me who don't want it to go away?
been flooded by lots of things, i knew you filled most of it, more accurate,half of it
have you get rid of me,perfectly?? did i bother you all this while??
went to my past..i found history..
i actually longing my history which i want to repeat and pause, let it stay still.
i've been complaining a lot, i felt changes surround me..what is changing?
more and more sorrow, days passed, undergoes thousand challenges, and here i am
sometimes, i found myself mourning, yet i fake those with a joy on my face
have you ever heard a phrase, the happiest is actually the saddest??
look inside and outside, look all around, and you wouldn't find the answer
until you meet the right answer, it might look easy, however it was the hardest
if you find me just to offend, then it's better to hurt me by ignoring
find me with joy,even if it's fake,but at the very least,
i can put my smile for a moment..even if it's pain later, but i have the joy earlier
i once found a happiness, at the middle of the path it has been stolen
i fight to get back what i have owned, i lost, it had gone with the thief
maybe i was regretting myself for not able to take care of my happiness,
maybe i was mad at the thief whom stole my happiness,
or maybe it's not been stolen, my happiness was ran away with the thief..
i guess,it's me who do not want to face the truth, too scared, so i lied to myself
and away from the crowd, lost in my own world and become pathetic fellow
i used to be up in the skies, flying so glad and proudly
but now, i'm down to the ground, watching the skies and see nothing
one day, i'll be on the skies again, get down, up again, and finally down.
that's just how it goes..
the next day, i awaken by a nightmare
which i don't wish to happen, whether now or later.
pray and let it go far away
God willing, God bless.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Only GOD knows, what i actually want..

holiday gotta start soon ^^

you know what's best of being single and in relationship for me?
talk abt single,everybody would say Yippie~
it's awesome, damn free life equal to NO COMMITMENT..
so true, i'm agree too~
in relationship? hmmp..
sweet and perfect..being protect and love love and more love
and you're holding a're with someone^^

which one do you prefer??and which one do i prefer?? depends on ourselves..i don't know which one i prefer now~
of course, when you love someone you prefer in relationship.
but 'lonely', i don't think it was a good be in a relationship!

okay..what's my point of posting this??
i'm not gonna talk crap!! asking ppl to be single or in relationship..
well..i just wanted to tell those guys outside there whom keep asking and treat me something
okay back to the main point..

Hey,guys here's a letter for you, hope you all gotta understand
and respect me and forgive me as well..

First of all, thanks for the offer to take a good care of me, for treating me so well, come and help while i need a help, asking how am i doing, and a little love,you all had gave me, all the effort to win my heart, wasting time and money on me. Thanks guys..
However, was a million thousand sorry from me, that i couldn't respond to all those. I can't accept the love, but believe me that i did felt touch with those. Somehow, i have closed my heart and i wanna take some rest from these things. I've been tired and hurt enough of my previous relationship, and one thing for sure, i still love my former boyfriend. I've tried myself to give a chance and take this opportunity to love another but it don't help. I've locked myself. Ya, i locked my own self. This time i will let myself alone. I just wanna be a quiet person. If one day i'm in love again that will be another story but i bet..that time wouldn't be so soon. Seriously, i've no longer had the feeling to be in a relationship again guys. So sorry and please forgive me. I know it well, how is the feeling, when someone don't loves you back. I wouldn't be too cruel either. Just don't put your expectation on me. I'm not in the mood. I might like you but i don't love. I'm heartless. I don't wanna feel love anymore. Let the love only for God, families, friends and myself. I'm not scared, but i love HIM, still.
That is all. Thanks for understanding. If you don't understand then force yourself to understand. Like i did.

I'm still mourning my previous relationship so don't expect me to love.
I cannot be with someone else when my heart belongs to him.
Please please please listen to me.

Ohh..i know he might forget me now, he no longer love me and whatever it is..
That was okay for me, might be. As long as i know and he knows how i felt towards him.
If he cherish, not be proud and not running away. At least, i will be okay.

I should end here.

~Good Bye Love Life~

Sincerely, Rina.

log in your facebook and click the name below
May His Soul Rest In Peace
each ppl has their own reason,well maybe his life is just until here, even he had made a big mistakes, that was his deal with God, no offense and no judgement. Pray.

As long as we believe in God . . . Faith . . .

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

tell me why?

i had deleted my previous post..i read it back and i felt hate..i dont want to stay with that kind of feeling for longer cause it will makes me old earlier than it suppose to be.. Zzzz..
what happen lately? hmmp..i dont know whats happenning..i confused with me! i dont know what am i thinking, in the mean time i knew what i want and suddenly it disappears,life is a dream..catch that? feeling of something but i just dont know what was it.. felt alone sometimes, felt awful most of the time, felt hopes lose hopes, boredom! where had life takes me to? hmmp,it's just a beginning, wasn't it? going to be much harder awaiting,right? oh well whats life without sigh? whats life without laughter,smiles,cries,shout? takes everything,to make us grow,make us learn,let us experience things..wasn't that perfect? wasnt that what we call perfect and awesome life? We had to feel and experience all those things,then only we can call it great life! wasnt it? yes,you need to agree with me. what the crap actually am i talking now? oh dear,i've been so damn boring until like this. okay lets make it much much more positive,boredom is a path of show us that we a free of works and it means resting..isnt it? and it dont kills..ppl who say bored kills are just boring..lets forgive them..Zzzzzzz i'm out of idea now..
Was actually waiting for someone :'( but he didn't showed up, i wondered what was he doing and how was he doing..guess he doing fine..but i want to meet him so badly..there's something i wanted..hmmp..just spill it out until here about him,let he be my secret..time to time..
Ohh christmas coming!! this year will celebrate it,yeah! unlike previous year need to work with santa hat on my head,LOL but it cool though..somehow,i want to meet the families and see everybody gather,going to see my little nephew and my far away uncle,ughh cant wait to see everyone ;) dress up so pretty,waiting them home from church and eat lotss food the next morning..going to see my past friend too..he must be growth now but still short than me hehe..hope this year christmas would be fun,as i didn't celebrate it last year..

*God Bless

Monday, December 6, 2010



Friday, December 3, 2010

나도 알아 . . 어느날 . .

당신은 내게 성가신 오늘을 찾을 수 있습니다
당신이 나와 함께 지겨워
당신은 한숨을 수도

난 단지 그걸 받아들이면 있어요
내가 아파 그게 알고
그러나 동시에, 나는 내가 가진 행복 해요 당신

혹시 나를 싫어하지 않아
언젠가는, 당신이 나를 놓치겠다

내가 다칠 당신을 원하지 않아
난 무엇보다 당신을 사랑해

그리고 언젠가는, 네가 날보고 싶을거야 :')

우리가 다시 만날 때까지

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

December Joy

it's the final month in 2010
and we still here, thank God.

Welcome December ~

First of all,want to wish some more [ding]*

Dear,  KWL
whose birthday on Nov30
i will always pray for you and wishing you all the best
will be next to you and keep on supporting ;)


My silly sister, Farah Lea
whose birthday perfectly on Dec1
you getting older babo hahaa..
wishing you all the best in life
success in your study and make us proud of your ability
show people that you are powerful and awesome ;)

to my special someone, lovely sister and all ppl around me, including myself
May God Bless Us All

What to say huhh??
Honestly, i've become dull =.=''
i have less story to share or should i say, NO story at all
ya,probably and mostly was no story at all..
life become much much bored..
seriously,i'm uninspired now!!
lost my inspiration and things changed day by day

months after months, didn't see any changes
and i being much more private about my personal life..duhh..
i thought after few months had passed
and after so much activities undergoes around me
after meeting few new people and being more open to friendsss
i would be more happy and can forget 'him' and act as usual
HOWEVER, happiness comes only for few moments
laughter and smiles comes once and goes away..
see...what's life??
at the end of the day, i will sat alone in my bedroom
thinking of my past happiness and
thinking if i could repeat them with the same person
love non stop and miss like an idiot
felt hurt sometimes and crying to sleep sometimes
oh christ . . . :'(

AND one thing i always surprised..
he always know and it's correct whenever
he guess, 'did you cry last night?'
what makes you so know me??
if you did know..why didn't you comfort me?
you know, i need you :(

when i felt down, moody, awful and lost

i will take a look on his pictures and me
reach my phone and give him a call,talk to him
that's the only way can do..
most of time,i wish i could sit next to him
let him lend his shoulder..cry out loud,
and throw all the things that eating me inside
i want a hug and a kiss.. seriously,i want him!! now~
even it's only just a second :'( :'(
and pray to make it years and more . .

guess what??
i received two letters from heaven~
you might curious about this..right?
for my own term...
Heaven's letter is an envoy
telling you that 'someone' is care for you.
that is all :) thank you.

my heaven's letter story if you dont understand
i just out of idea what else to share,actually =.='''

oh dear,readers..
today i have a photoshootsss with Shiseido make up
damn..this make up is gorgeous and the price is boooom
my make up artist took about hmm 1 hour++ to make up me
after done make up-ing looking for clothesss
make up artist + clothes assistant + photographer
help me with my clothesss..LOL..
i think it's funny when my photographer help me,weird~ haha..
soooon, is touch up my photo and taadaaa...
perfect beautiful photo of mine ;) *wink wink*
all of them very professional with their work.. Respect!
Here's the little photo...

small huh?? i do it on purpose
too expensive for bigger size :p

Okay, bloggers and sweet readers..
Gotta go now.. My awesome bed was calling
Hope you enjoy reading ya~~
my post getting more and more silly..

> Mister KWL, please be remember..
내가 당신을 너무 사랑해 . . 당신이 너무 그리워요
내가 당신을 돌봐 :')

. . 안녕 . .