Friday, October 22, 2010

Inside



2 months and 12 days past today..
i want back to past :'(
the last few days/weeks of Aug 10:
a week before i realize you no longer treat me well..even when i went to see you at pc fair..even bought food for you,you seems so hate to see me..that time i feel so broke down but just act cool..and everytime i looking for you will end up argue..that time felt so pain and could only cry in silent..sometimes just cry myself until asleep..
and right on Aug 10:
i woke up early cause i got class..it was the week after pc fair..and you exchange your off day to tuesday..that day i woke up and really miss you..the night before you so less text me..only text me when you ready to bed..so that morning decide to call you and talk to you before go college..so i pick the phone and start dial your number..talk to you and suddenly you said, you don't want to go on anymore..my world is blur..i really really really miss you and suddenly you said want to end it..i try to make everything fine and save the relationship again..but can't do anything already..you stick with your decision this time..lastly you said 'i love you' to me..and i smile while crying,it's the word i rarely hear from you, and you said it to me while we breaking up..how hurt was that..after finish talking to you..i don't know what i'm thinking..i really hurt,really pain,i'm torn into pieces,all i want is to see you and hug you..i cry so loud,cry like baby,cry cry cry and cry..went to bedroom and cry again..mommy call you and you choi me..feel little happy to hear you again but i'm heartless and so pain,after end talk with you,continue crying..until fall asleep..and that day i didn't go to my class,i really no mood study liao..and that day i whole day no mood..everything is so less, less talk less eat,less enjoying,less smile,less laugh,less less less and less..
the next day:
i woke up felt so lone..and force myself go college..i really no mood to mingle around and when people jokes around i just smile and leave them..really no mood..even people thought i'm very proud person..but i don't care anything..i stay with my moody mood..after finish class will call mommy immediately so i can reach home and i can rest myself..i really can't bear stay at karamunsing there,felt so awful..after two days broke up: suddenly you text me,say how are you and say wanna meet me..my head is shining..went to see you..so glad seeing you that day,try to smile and laugh while with you but i couldn't and all i can give you is fake smile..and you said i become thin already..since then after i finish class,if you're free we will meet until the day you resign,end of september..and again i felt so alone,and right after class,again, will call mommy immediately so i can go away from karamunsing faster..because stay there will only remind me of you..but still we text each other..before, you will send me wake up text or wake up call cause you know i won't wake up untill you text or call..but now after two months past, you no longer give me wake up text or wake up call,but i still waiting for it,sadly..i might smile laugh and mingle around now but deep inside i still thinking of you and when i found myself alone,i will keep thinking of you..wishing that one day you'll come back and care me and love me again..i'm really sad..lost my energy and spirit..so weak already..more and more pain and hurt :'(
until now:
we still texting each other..i wait you home everyday..and we go out together once
but that feeling is different,i'm happy to spend time with you again but it was as a 'friend' and i pray one day it would change to be like before and that time will last forever and you will really love and care me..God makes everything,i could only pray and make a wish..May God Bless Me..
You:
i'm sorry if this is feel like a burden to you..i never mean to makes your life hard or what so ever..i just want to be someone who will be there for you in any situation :')

No comments: