Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I really can't bear live like this.
Everyday is a bad day, every night is a nightmare
I miss you more and more each day
I kept wondered about you all day
I didn't do it on purposes, infact i try not to think of you
but i just can't do it,this is really hurt me, much more and deeply :'(

Do you know how hurt and pain, is it?
I cry everyday, every night and everytime i thinking of you
I really miss you :'(
I know you wouldn't like to hear this but that's what happen
I'm getting weak and more weak
I want to be strong and invincible so i don't need to cry and begging for you again
How do i do it?
How i want to get rid of you like you get rid of me?
Why is it so easy for you to get rid of me? Why? Why it's nothing for you?
Why i'm the one who hurt too much? What have i done?
What have you done till i love this much?
Why can't i just stop loving you? :'(
It's been two months plus and i still love you!!
My heart is still yours..It's totally yours..
And if anytime miracle happen and you could come back
My heart will welcome you happily

I want you back.I don't want to lose you anymore.I want you for the rest of my life
This time will give you my very best..I'll be the best girlfriend for you!!
Is it possible?? To give ourselves another chances!!
Argghhh...this is really hurt..
How can i think such things when you don't even want to think about it :'(
I can't stop thinking of you and everytime i do,i'll have my tears.
When will this end? When will you come back? During my funeral?
Do you understand? Why are you being so selfish?
You think, i can't make you happy? You think, i will disturb your work?
You think, i will make you and your family apart???
NO..i won't do such things!!!
All i want is, to see you happy and get what you want in life
while i'm the one who being your supporter,
will be there for you whenever you sick,sad,angry,moody,happy, whatever it is!!
When you find yourself alone and empty, i'll always be there for you!
I will never make you and your family apart,
family is,where you come from,there's no reason for me to make all of you apart..
I won't care if they dislike or hate me, i'll always respect them,
and your younger sister will always an elder sister to me.
I respect all of them so much, like i respect my own family.

What else is left? Not mature enough?? I'm too young??
I'm doing my best to be like woman at my age. I'm not too young!!!
You are learner and i'm also a learner. We both are learner!
We can learn together. I'll help you and you'll help me.
We'll help each other.

Why do you see things and make things complicated??
Yes!! It is hard. Life is hard.
However, you could make it easier.
Please..Please..Think about it !
Think about us again!!
I want you back..I really need you..
What more can i say?
Tell me what else is left?
What's wrong with me? I'll change it for you!
I'll make it better and perfect for you!!
I ain't just saying this, i really mean it!!
Think back, Think wisely.
I want you back..I really need you..
Cause i really can't hold my tears anymore
I can't bear live without you by my side
Please come back!! :'(

Friday, October 22, 2010


2 months and 12 days past today..
i want back to past :'(
the last few days/weeks of Aug 10:
a week before i realize you no longer treat me well..even when i went to see you at pc fair..even bought food for you,you seems so hate to see me..that time i feel so broke down but just act cool..and everytime i looking for you will end up argue..that time felt so pain and could only cry in silent..sometimes just cry myself until asleep..
and right on Aug 10:
i woke up early cause i got class..it was the week after pc fair..and you exchange your off day to tuesday..that day i woke up and really miss you..the night before you so less text me..only text me when you ready to bed..so that morning decide to call you and talk to you before go college..so i pick the phone and start dial your number..talk to you and suddenly you said, you don't want to go on anymore..my world is blur..i really really really miss you and suddenly you said want to end it..i try to make everything fine and save the relationship again..but can't do anything already..you stick with your decision this time..lastly you said 'i love you' to me..and i smile while crying,it's the word i rarely hear from you, and you said it to me while we breaking up..how hurt was that..after finish talking to you..i don't know what i'm thinking..i really hurt,really pain,i'm torn into pieces,all i want is to see you and hug you..i cry so loud,cry like baby,cry cry cry and cry..went to bedroom and cry again..mommy call you and you choi me..feel little happy to hear you again but i'm heartless and so pain,after end talk with you,continue crying..until fall asleep..and that day i didn't go to my class,i really no mood study liao..and that day i whole day no mood..everything is so less, less talk less eat,less enjoying,less smile,less laugh,less less less and less..
the next day:
i woke up felt so lone..and force myself go college..i really no mood to mingle around and when people jokes around i just smile and leave them..really no mood..even people thought i'm very proud person..but i don't care anything..i stay with my moody mood..after finish class will call mommy immediately so i can reach home and i can rest myself..i really can't bear stay at karamunsing there,felt so awful..after two days broke up: suddenly you text me,say how are you and say wanna meet me..my head is shining..went to see you..so glad seeing you that day,try to smile and laugh while with you but i couldn't and all i can give you is fake smile..and you said i become thin already..since then after i finish class,if you're free we will meet until the day you resign,end of september..and again i felt so alone,and right after class,again, will call mommy immediately so i can go away from karamunsing faster..because stay there will only remind me of you..but still we text each other..before, you will send me wake up text or wake up call cause you know i won't wake up untill you text or call..but now after two months past, you no longer give me wake up text or wake up call,but i still waiting for it,sadly..i might smile laugh and mingle around now but deep inside i still thinking of you and when i found myself alone,i will keep thinking of you..wishing that one day you'll come back and care me and love me again..i'm really sad..lost my energy and spirit..so weak already..more and more pain and hurt :'(
until now:
we still texting each other..i wait you home everyday..and we go out together once
but that feeling is different,i'm happy to spend time with you again but it was as a 'friend' and i pray one day it would change to be like before and that time will last forever and you will really love and care me..God makes everything,i could only pray and make a wish..May God Bless Me..
i'm sorry if this is feel like a burden to you..i never mean to makes your life hard or what so ever..i just want to be someone who will be there for you in any situation :')

Thursday, October 21, 2010

What do you call this? Regret? Late? Fate?

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.

Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back. That went on for several years and each year, the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest. So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy. The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.

Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and have never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly. Since then, three years have passed and the girl never return anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life..... still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl.

On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend's party alone. "Hey, how come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?", asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend's queries about her, still he just surged on.
Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his steady. He wanted so much to ignore her ..... not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn't feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.

"Hi......how are you? Enjoying the party?" the girl asked.

"Sure.....yeah!", he replied.
She was slightly tipsy..... must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,
"Why...? Don't you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?" Then he answered, "No, there is no need for that anymore......"
Before he can continue, he was interrupted, "Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven't been searching for one for the past years, right?" The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."
With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was.....the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.

All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!
Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.

As it was Christmas eve, the line was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through......precisely at 1200 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.

He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.
The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why did fate played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods...!! How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.

The moral of this story is :
Treasure what you have...
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love...
Time is Eternity.

For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

We'll meet again someday :')

One day i'll meet you again
That time you won't see the girl you've see now
That day you'll see her all grown up
You'll see a woman whom you see her while she is still a young woman
The one you ever love as your friend, lover and sister
You'll see her again but you've found out she's changed
AND i wanted you to know that..
She's doing all these for you specially and of course herself too
She doesn't want you think, she's a fool or childish anymore
You need to stop thinking that way
And you need to stop tag her as a young girl
Cause once you tag her that way
You will never see her grow up even she's all grown up and changed to woman.
I'm begging you mister :)
Open up your eyes and think out of the box
She's growing up, maybe she took too much time that you couldn't wait her
She leave it all to her destiny.
She pray to God and make a wish everyday.
If you is hers. At last you will come back to her. Just don't hurt her again.
If you wasn't hers slowly everything will fade
But for now,only you the one she loves. No other. It's only you
You may say whatever on her, a fool or whatever,that won't change anything
She take a good care of herself for you. She always care for you and worry on you.
She is maybe nothing for you but for her you are someone really special
She loves you more than anything and everything is just you. She really respect you.
Please appreciate her while she's here with you.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Ten Ten Ten

It's very special date huh?
10 0ctober 2010
No it ain't special for me!!
Just another numbers that keep running

Today is Oct 10 right?
remember what happen in Aug 10?
The saddest day in my life..
It's been two months..
two months had past..two months!!
two months after broke up
and i feel so terrible tonight!!!

two months is feel like nothing
damn! i still love that guy
i miss him every second..and him??
wtf! i dnt know..and i bet he has great feeling
enjoying his single life and no more rina!!
and me??
i still love him i still miss him
he's still someone special to me
i still care his feeling!!
i wouldn't do those things he dislikes
i'm not really enjoying my single life
infact i pray to God and wishing he realize
how much i love him, and waiting him to come back
and wtf with that?? did he even still care??
NO! i dont care whether he care or not
he must know this! really!

tonight i was so sad and a little anger..
he go out to celebrate his friend bday..
grr..i dnt care..you just go out celebrate
but please dnt do anything bad or out of control
because i'm going to kill you!!
tonight's feeling is anxious and anxiety
is it same?? =.=''
this feeling same like when we still together
oh..i know you also ever feel this feeling..right?
when i'm going out at night..and you call me to scold ask me go home
yes!! that's the feeling now!!
no!! no!! i dont want to think much or negative
but sometimes just can't control and it's very annoying
plus now we're not together
OMG!! i feel like i'm dying here..
you must take care and remember me while there
keep your promise!! to text me when home..
dont do things i really hate
haih..so scared and sad..and...
don't know how to express this feelings..
no words can explain..

should go get some rest

Friday, October 8, 2010

우리 다시 사랑하자

괜한 부담이 될까 많이 고민 했었어 이젠 잘 지낼 텐데
많이 예뻐졌구나 참 오랜만이란 말이 우리는 처음이잖아
무슨 말을 어떻게 해야 하나 아직 혼자라는 말에

우리 다시 사랑하자 다시는 놓치지 말자 하루 하루가 너의 기억뿐인데 이제는
우리 그만 아파하자 누구보다 간절한 너만 바라고 또 너만 그리는 내 마음을

너의 쓴 소리조차 너무도 그리웠어 매일 생각나더라
그때는 그랬었어 언젠간 지워질거라 그렇게 생각했었어
무슨 말을 어떻게 해야 하나 아직 혼자라는 말에

우리 다시 사랑하자 다시는 놓치지 말자 하루 하루가 너의 기억뿐인데 이제는
우리 그만 아파하자 누구보다 간절한 너만 바라고 또 너만 그리는 내 마음을

항상 나에게 늘 미안했다는 말에 나도 몰래 자꾸 눈물이 흘러

우리 다시 사랑하자 아파도 늘 함께하자 텅 빈 가슴은 너만 기억하는데 이제는
우리 다신 울지 말자 너만 아는 내 마음을 너는 알잖아 오직 너만 알잖아 I love you


Thursday, October 7, 2010


Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Because I HATE the way it's hurt

Saturday, October 2, 2010

It's okayy

It’s okay even if I’m blind
It’s okay even if I run out of breath
If I could just see you once, if I could just give you all my heart
How much more do I have to be longing for you to be able to know my heart
How much more do I have to cry and cry for my tears to dry

Does it hurt because I’m loving you?
Am I punished for loving too much?
Even if I was to lose everything of me, if it’s just you, then it’s okay
Even if I love you and my heart gets slashed
Even if I wait for you and get my chest all worn
It’s okay because I love you
I’m okay even if it hurts

Whenever I try to turn around trying to forget you,
I keep wanting to see you, What should I do?
Whenever I try to block myself by saying I shouldn’t,
I only have you, What should I do?

Does it hurt because I’m loving you?
Am I punished for loving too much?
Even if I was to lose everything of me, if it’s just you, then it’s okay
Even if I love you and my heart gets slashed
Even if I wait for you and get my chest all worn
It’s okay because I love you
I’m okay even if it hurts

Even if it’s poison for me, and if it’s a thorn for me
I can’t take away my love for you
I’ll wait until whenever
Even if it hurts and hurts, I’ll endure it
Because I love you more, it’s okay even if I tear up
It’s okay even if it hurts

Friday, October 1, 2010

Ain't no sunshine . .

First of all, Just IGNORE the main picture :')
But it says everything . . .

okayy Octopus month here..
no expectation on the new month
just hoping to get back to normal life
but i guess i was load with stress..
forget my relationship matter! that is another story :')
this isn't about that at all..
arghh..forget my stress story..i won't say it out!!

well my life was quite boring now
not quite but totally boring
wish to do a lots of things i've dream =.=''
oh well..everybody wishing the same thing..

i planned to move next coming year..
hope to have enough money to leave
and start over a new life
and thinking to bring 'someone' with me
you know who i mean, right?!! :')
that person i heart a lots
ngehh...i'm maybe nothing to him..
but to me..he's always someone special

everytime i meet him
i must hug him tight tight tight
i dont care around!! dont wanna waste my time..

If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cause I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Wish for the good better best great

We'll pray for each other :')


Hello OCTopus..


please give me a brand new wonderful life :)